Paula,
no problem. comes from a therapist friend who taught me that method.
Saves my blood pressure (I'm not aggravating over things), relieves the
guilt (when I have to say something bad to someone) and in general has
helped.
- Paula_Stankus_at_doh.state.fl.us wrote:
> Thanks Rachel. Very good advice. Although I am scared shi##***!! -
> grown
> woman I am - I will try it. I think labor and delivery of my 9+ lb
> child
> was easier. I have left this one go for awhile now so I probably
> will have
> to do this a few times.
>
> Oracle OCP DBA
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> Sent: Sunday, April 06, 2003 4:14 PM
> To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L
>
>
> Dear Technician,
>
> Have you tried talking one on one, outside the office, with the one
> person who is causing the problems?
>
> Start with the "sandwich/oreo" approach:
>
> begin with a statement that is flattering, something that they will
> enjoy hearing ("I really thought your ideas on xyz were great")
>
> This ensures that they are in a receptive mood to hear what you next
> have to say
>
> then continue with statements that address the problem. Each
> statement
> should be "I" (I feel, I think, I don't understand) as opposed to
> "you"
> (you do this, you don't do that). Do not use the word "but", that has
> negative connotations. Try not to use the word "not" as well (turn
> negative statements into positive ones)
>
> statements can be along the lines of "I feel that sometimes we
> approach
> problems from different angles and I think that we end up working at
> cross-purposes. I would like to see us working together more
> smoothly.
> What can I do to help make this happen?"
>
> this engages them in the process of better communications.
>
> end with another flattering statement. This ensures that they leave
> you
> in a positive mood and don't immediately reject what you have to say.
>
> Ann, filling in for Dear Oracle9i
>
>
> --- Paula_Stankus_at_doh.state.fl.us wrote:
> > Dear Ann (hehe),
> >
> > Previous to this assignment I have been considered to be principled
> > about
> > technology but reasonable and pragmatic. At this assignment I was
> > given a
> > big send up and there were some real insecurities already in-place
> > from
> > people put into high-level IT jobs without any real IT experience.
> I
> > was
> > told to take a proactive role (at first) and I did but I feel that
> > this has
> > only caused more resentment - plus I am not the best e-mail writer
> in
> > the
> > universe and e-mail can lead to miscommunications. Now, I look
> back
> > at the
> > last 3 years and realize that unconsciously people hear me with a
> > certain
> > perspective - miss know-it-all, technical geek -B*. Outside of my
> > job I am
> > considered patient, team-playing, caretaker type. I realize that
> the
> > one
> > thing I need to do is use this opportunity to hone my personal
> skills
> > and I
> > am not a person to easily give-up (worked one place for 10 years,
> > married
> > high-school sweetheart, dedicated wife, mother, daughter of elderly
> > parents). However, with a bad start and the last 3 years of
> dodging
> > more
> > personal missiles then I can think of (including being personally
> > insulted
> > in meetings with users - something I would never do to another) I
> > don't know
> > what to do. The IT market is pretty stiff and right now I have 2
> > small
> > children, a husband and elderly parents relying on me and my
> income.
> > Sometimes I feel that what I am feeling could be somewhat due to
> the
> > tightening market and insecure overall economy and the fact that
> this
> > particular organization has not had a strong CIO for the last 7
> years
> > -
> > leading to more emphasis on political positioning (wow - learning
> > much more
> > about politics then I ever wanted to know) and that I am not
> alone.
> > This
> > environment I have used to temper my standards and responses, got
> > Oracle OCP
> > after holding out for 8 years, heck considering to write a book on
> > the IT
> > government industry - kind of a parody in light of P.J. O'Rourke.
> > Please
> > understand that not everyone in this environment has these issues.
> > In
> > otherwords, I am not Schizophrenic feeling everyone is against me.
> > However,
> > this environment is not balanced and so the moderate, objective
> > voices seem
> > to get lost in the storm. So I am trying to find a way to turn
> this
> > whole
> > thing around - I believe there is one person especially who is at
> the
> > heart
> > of this. Others have reported this as so. I do not wish to cause
> > this
> > person any harm. I just want to turn this thing around without
> > having to
> > get another job. I would like to see a win-win. My dream is to
> work
> > with
> > other technical professionals to development products of lasting
> > quality
> > that really address business needs. I have something significant
> > invested
> > in the users here, the technology, the other technicians and
> > management.
> > Any ideas/advice?
> >
>
>
> __________________________________________________
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> Author: Rachel Carmichael
> INET: wisernet100_at_yahoo.com
>
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Author: Rachel Carmichael
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Received on Sun Apr 06 2003 - 18:48:37 CDT
