Re: Problem

Steve Howard wrote:

> Hi,
>
> My Oracle database won't start. How can I fix it?
>
> Sorry, this just cracked me up, and I figured I would provide oxygen
> for the constantly smoldering flames.
>
> It did cause me to think, though, I know there are several regular
> posters here who have seen some questions they would consider to be
> beyond ridiculous, so I thought I would put it out there...
>
> What is the laziest, least informative question you have ever seen?

Following came at me from the field (presales and consulting) in the past 8 years:

Group 1: From "DBAs"

The boss told me to change the inventory system from Excel to Oracle. WHat do I need to do after I install it?

Why should I use {RMAN, Enterprise Manager, Parallel Query ...}? The guy from {xyz} told me I need to pay extra for it and showed me his utility that's much cheaper!

How can I make the SGA bigger? (also, by phone: How big should my SGA be?)

Which statements do I need to tune?

Group 2: From Programmers

We just converted the app from Access to Oracle. How do I make it go faster?

What's the fastest way to convert this Access app to ORacle?

Can you come into the office tomorrow and show us how to build an inventory system in Oracle? We can get a meeting room from 2:00 to 2:30.

Do you know where we can buy a packaged {scheduler, mailer, messaging system, text search application , monitoring tool, backup utility} to work with Oracle?

Group 3: From managers

Why is Oracle so expensive?

Why do I need to pay so much for an "Oracle specialist"? Isn't it just a bigger thingy like Access?

Do I have to get a license for Oracle?

I just paid $x for Oracle. Why isn't it faster?

I just told you, I don't know how much data will be in the thing or how many users will be using it. Just tell me how big a machine I need! Received on Fri Oct 15 2004 - 02:33:35 CDT