RE: RE: MetaSlop - Another Response Scenario for Paul.

From: Mohan, Ross <MohanR_at_STARS-SMI.com>
Date: Tue, 27 Feb 2001 14:42:55 -0800
Message-ID: <F001.002BEF1F.20010227143727@fatcity.com>

I hope
someone is saving these, because I am going to get fired, shot,
or escorted out if I don't get some work done(*), and so i have
been
packing up my desk and deleting mail all day. ;->


 (*) Unlike Metalink, which can fail to work for weeks on end and still collect
 user
support fees! <G>

-----Original Message-----From: Kevin Kostyszyn [mailto:kevin_at_dulcian.com]Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2001 5:11 PMTo: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-LSubject: RE: RE: MetaSlop - Another Response Scenario for Paul. I
 have to leave before I get fired for laughing too loud!!! Ross is officially the site comedian and witmaster!!

-----Original Message-----From: root_at_fatcity.com [mailto:root_at_fatcity.com]On Behalf Of Mohan, RossSent: Tuesday, February 27, 2001 4:58 PMTo: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-LSubject: RE: RE: MetaSlop - Another Response Scenario for Paul.
 Scenario Two:

    ########################## For Immediate Release 
    ###############################

Ap/UPI/AFP/Reuters --- Redwood Shores, 27 Feb 00 Oracle Denial of Service Attack Oracle Corporation announced today, in a stunning revelation, that they have been issuing a massive Denial of Service (DoS) attack against its own customers via its "Support" website, MetaBlink. The scam worked like this: clever hackers within Oracle Corporation configured MetaLink with Oracle default values, guaranteeing devastating failure. As long term Oracle customers, sorely vexed by arcane command sequences, byzantine product offerings, and constantly shifting product versions came to the "support web site" to seek help, they were shunted away, losing hours of productive time, watching key applications fail, marriages dissolve, and world peace slip from their grasp.

Precisely at this vulnerable moment, a crack team of marketers ( or a team of crack-smoking marketers, field reports are not clear ) created a campaign to lead key customers to believe "application upgrades" and "more hardware" were the problem. Sources in the McNealy Command Bunker indicate Oracle's innovative DoS is working, as record numbers of customers are throwing massive amounts of hardware at problems relatively easy to rectify. Further, back at Armani HQ, Redwood Shores, initial reports are that the "application upgrades" orders are coming in quickly. IBM, HP, and other industry leaders are likely to follow the Oracle Corporation trend, and begin to knock off key customers shortly, using a combination of DoS, confusing price plans, deliriously inaccurate marketing campaigns, and other tools of corporate psychological warfare.

( - Ross Mohan, Cub Reporter, Daily Planet ) -----Original Message----- From:
 Paul Baumgartel [<A
 href="mailto:PaulB_at_instipro.com">mailto:PaulB_at_instipro.com] Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2001 3:21 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L Subject: RE: RE: MetaSlop
 And if you were running a comparable system, what would *you* say?
 Paul Baumgartel InstiPro,
 Inc. paul.baumgartel_at_instipro.com 212 813-0829 x103 (office) 917 549-4717 (mobile)

-----Original Message----- Sent:
 Tuesday, February 27, 2001 2:51 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L
 Man, these guys just invite the wise-ass comment, don't they? Such as:
 Well maybe if the product worked better/was less confusing/had better documentation we wouldn't all be in Metalink! Oh no! If 4 new servers brought the system to its knees just think how bad it'll be when the rest of the hardware arrives! 4 new top-of-the-line servers, just think what that'll do to their power unit charges!
 Plus I can't rid myself of the image of us all 'staggering' to Metalink for help.
 Jim
 >>> dgoulet_at_vicr.com 02/27/01 01:21PM >>> For those interested, right from the horses mouth, or other orifice as you desire:

News & Notes <FONT

    size=2>

MetaLink Performance - An Update
 We apologize for the slow response times recently on MetaLink. All over the world
 our customers are coming to and using this valuable knowledge base in staggering numbers. Our Global IT team are working these performance issues as their number one priority.
 What is Being Done
 This week four new front-end web servers were brought on line to help manage the load. Additional
 hardware has been purchased and will arrive soon which will make a significant improvement in performance. We appreciate your patience during this time of significant growth in MetaLink usage.
 Thanks, The MetaLink
 Team
 -- Received on Tue Feb 27 2001 - 16:42:55 CST